Day One – “Love is Patient”

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient; bearing with one another in love.”  –Ephesians 4:2 NIV

Love works.  It is life’s most powerful motivator and has far greater depth and meaning than most people realize.  It always does what is best for others and can empower us to face the greatest problems.  We are born with a lifelong thirst for love.  Our hearts need it like our lungs need oxygen.  Love changes our motivation for living.  No marriage is successful without it.

Love is built on two pillars; patience and kindness.  All other characteristics of love are extensions of these two attributes.  And that’s where your dare will begin.  With patience.

Love will inspire you to become a patient person.  When you choose to be patient, you respond in a positive way to a negative situation.  You are slow to anger.  You choose to have a long fuse instead of a quick temper.  Rather than being restless and demanding, love helps you settle down and begin extending mercy to those around you.  Patience brings an internal calm during an external storm.

No one likes to be around an impatient person.  It causes you to overreact in angry, foolish, and regrettable ways.  The irony of anger towards a wrongful action is that it spawns new wrongs of its own.  Anger almost never makes things better.  In fact, it usually generates additional problems.  But patience stops problems in their tracks.  More than biting your lip, more than clapping a hand over your mouth, patience is a deep breath.  It clears the air.  It stops foolishness.  It is a choice to control your emotions rather than allowing your emotions to control you, and shows discretion instead of returning evil for evil.

If your spouse offends you, do you quickly retaliate, or do you stay under control?  Do you find that anger is your emotional default when treated unfairly?  If so, you are spreading poison rather than medicine.

Anger is usually caused when the strong desire for something is mixed with disappointment or grief.  You don’t get what you want and you start heating up inside.  It is often an emotional reaction that flows out of our own selfishness, foolishness or evil motives.  Patience, however, makes us wise.  It doesn’t rush to judgment but listens to what the other person is saying.  Patience stands in the doorway where anger is clawing to burst in, but waits to see the whole picture before passing judgment.  “He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly” (Proverbs 14:29).

As sure as a lack of patience will turn your home into a war zone, the practice of patience will foster peace and quiet.   “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute” (Proverbs 15:18). Patience is where love meets wisdom.  And every marriage needs that combination to stay healthy.

Patience helps you give your spouse permission to be human.  It understands that everyone fails.  When a mistake is made, it chooses to give them more time than they deserve to correct it.  It gives you the ability to hold on during the tough time in your relationship rather than bailing out under the pressure.

Can your spouse count on having a patient wife or husband to deal with?  Can she know that locking her keys in the car will be met by your understanding rather than a demeaning lecture?  Can he know that cheering during the last seconds of a football game won’t invite a laundry list of ways he should be spending his time?  It turns out that few people are as hard to live with as an impatient person.

What would the tone and volume of your home be like if you tried this biblical approach:   “See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another” (1 Thessalonians 5:15). Few of us do patience well, and none of us do it naturally, but it should be pursued as an essential ingredient in marriage relationships.

Today’s Dare:

Love is communicated in a number of ways, but our words often reflect the condition of our heart.  For the next day, resolve to demonstrate patience by saying nothing negative to your spouse.  If you are tempted to say something negative, choose not to say anything.  It’s better to hold your tongue than it is to say something that you’ll later regret.

At the end of the day, journal about your experience.  Let these questions guide you: Did anything happen today to cause anger towards your mate?  Were you tempted to think disapproving thoughts and to let them come out in words?  Were you able to stop your impatient thoughts and hold your tongue?  What helped you to hold your tongue?  Do you feel that your day turned out differently because of practicing patience?

If you are willing, and if appropriate, please share your experience with others by leaving a comment in response to this post.  Doing so is easy! Simply click on “Leave a Comment” right below this post.  Fill out the  “Leave a Reply” section that pops up and type your journal entry.   Don’t worry too much about formatting.  When you are finished, submit your entry.  After it’s approved, it will appear for others to read.  Sharing your experience will help create community and it will provide accountability and inspirition to others.